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Monday 22nd June 2015
5dp2dt. I’m not having much in the way of symptoms at all. I’m very tired, which is probably the progesterone. And I’ve suffered with constipation (sorry – TMI) since egg collection, which is definitely the progesterone.
Other than that, today I’ve had some cramping in my right side. Quite mild, but definitely there.
If everything is going as it should be, our little blastocysts hatched out of their shells yesterday and are attached to my uterine lining today, ready to start the implantation process tomorrow! Really hoping they are!
Wednesday 24th June
7dp2dt. Our embryos should be half way through the implantation process now. I hope they are!
I’m still having some mild cramps, mostly some pulling-type pains low down on my right side. I noticed that my breasts look really veiny today, too. That’s a pregnancy symptom, but also a progesterone symptom, so could mean something… Or nothing. You can see why I’m confused!
Still feeling positive. I really want this to have worked this time. I feel like it’s our turn. Mr Becca says I should prepare myself for it not working, but I can’t bring myself to think that way. I just want to be a mum. Mums believe in their children, so I have to believe that our little embryos will make it!
Snuggle in twins!
Thursday 25th June
8dp2dt. If everything has gone the way it should, our embryos have finished implanting and I am now pregnant! I really hope so!
Lots of symptoms today – my breasts feel bigger, and I’m still having some mild cramps, but they’re easing off. I’m mostly very bloated and gassy. All of these symptoms can be explained by the progesterone, so who knows? But I have a good feeling about this cycle, so I thought I would write them down. I’m also very tired, so I’m going to go to bed now.
Saturday 27th June
10dp2dt. I’m still very bloated and I’m having to pee more often than usual and I feel so sick. I’m also feeling very emotional today. I really need this to work. I need to be a mum. I really think I’ll be an amazing mum, if I’m just given the chance to prove it.
Test day is only 4 days away. I’ve never been so scared. I feel different this time and that scares me. I didn’t want to get my hopes up, but it’s impossible not to. I hope I feel this way because I’m pregnant. But what if I’m not? I don’t know if I can handle another disappointment!
Sunday 28th June
11dp2dt. More bloating today and still very tired. It’s been really hot today, which hasn’t helped, because I’m feeling quite sick.
I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow, but I have no choice. I just want to rest and focus on getting to Wednesday without going crazy.
I’m scared. Scared that it hasn’t worked again. Scared that it will never work. I really hope my fears are for nothing and that it’s worked this time. I was tempted to test today, but I’m too scared. I wonder if sheer terror is a symptom of pregnancy?! I’ll wait until Wednesday, but I hope it’s worth the wait…
Wednesday 1st July 2015
14dp2dt. Test day.
I’m finally pregnant! I actually gave in and tested yesterday, but today is when it’s official.
There are no words to describe how excited and happy and relieved I am! I cried when I saw those two lines yesterday! I’ve never seen a positive pregnancy test in person before! For a second, I just stared at it, as if I couldn’t work out what the second line meant! I surprised Mr Becca by putting the test in a little gift box. I gave it to him when he got home from work. He’s over the moon, too! He’s also relieved that he doesn’t have to see me so sad again.
It’s still early days though. I’m 4 weeks and 2 days pregnant and my due date is around the 7th of March 2016! I’m very anxious about the next few weeks. We have an early scan booked at the clinic on the 22nd, when I’ll be 7w2d. They booked it when I called them to tell them that our cycle worked. It was so lovely to be able to make that call, instead of crying down the phone like the last two times. It felt like a huge milestone for me – I’ve been in the clinic waiting room when other women have made that call – listened to the receptionist tell other women how happy she is for them and what wonderful news it is… Listened and wiped tears from my eyes while I waited to be scanned again and test day seemed so far away… But I never thought I’d be the one getting to make that call. It didn’t seem real when I was the one the receptionist was giving her congratulations to.
At our first scan, they’ll check that there’s a heartbeat (or 2!) and then discharge us so that I can contact a midwife. I’m terrified that there won’t be a heartbeat. That’s my worst nightmare. I’m trying to stay positive, but it’s going to be the longest 3 weeks of my life!
I’m just so happy and it’s been so long since I was last able to say that. I can’t believe I’m going to be a mum after waiting for so long and trying so hard to get here!