I know that I’m not easy to be around when my anxiety is getting the better of me. I’m lucky, because I have friends and family who support me and stick with me, even when I’m not much fun to be around. We all need a little bit of help sometimes. So I’ve asked some other bloggers to help me tell you how you can help your anxious friend.
Understand
When your anxious friend cancels at short notice, it’s not because they love you any less or don’t want to spend time with you. Sometimes it’s just too hard to get themselves out of the door. Some situations are just too much for us and we have to decline those invitations. Consider offering activities that are less overwhelming, like sitting on the sofa together, watching TV or eating a takeaway. But be sure to read your friend’s cues and leave if/when it gets too much for them. They might not be comfortable asking you to go. Sometimes, we just need some space when things get hard, but we need to know that you’ll be there when we need you and that what we’re going through now won’t last forever.
Emma at EmmaDrew.info
Ellie at WonderlandEllie
Bry at Goddess of Books
Coping strategies
Your friend might already have coping strategies that help them to control and work through their anxiety. But it can’t hurt to show an interest and talk to them about what those strategies are. Maybe suggest new ones they might like to try, such as deep breathing, stretching or listening to music or a podcast. But know your audience – while suggesting exercise might help one person, for another, figuring out how to get themselves out of the house when they’re feeling anxious might be the last thing they want to do. Pushing them to do something they don’t want to do won’t help.
Emma at My Debt Diary
Listen
This is one of the most important things you can do. Not just for your anxious friend, but for anyone. I find that people often want to “fix” my anxiety for me. They can’t. They do it with the best intentions, but no one can fix my anxiety for me. What they can do is let me talk. Listen to your friend. Let them talk about what’s going through their head. Be patient – let them talk to you in their own time, without getting frustrated if that takes a while.
Melissa at Spoonie-Mama.com
Connie at Earth to Connie
Talk
Choose what you say carefully. Try “I’m sorry you’re feeling that way” instead of “there’s nothing to worry about”. Words are powerful. Let your friend know that you understand and that you’re not judging them. Don’t make it all about you – saying “it kills me to see you like this” will only make your friend feel worse. Try “I’m here if you need me” instead.
Johnzelle at Perfectly Imperfect
Triggers
Get to know your friend’s triggers, so that you can be aware of and help them deal with or avoid places and situations that might trigger an anxiety attack. Don’t make a big deal out of it, just be there if they need you. Follow their lead. They might not want to avoid their triggers. Sometimes it’s not possible to avoid them. They will be grateful to know that you’re there to support them.
Johnzelle at Perfectly Imperfect
Celebrate the little wins
Some days, getting out of bed and making cereal for breakfast can be as tough as climbing mountains! If your friend has been having a tough time, celebrate those little wins with them.
Abi at What Abigail Says
Show Up
We all want people to show up for us. Use any excuse. Bring a milkshake. Or chocolates. Or a book you think everyone should read. Just show up. Be there for your friend. You know they’d do the same for you, if it was the other way around.
Katie at 52 Beautiful Things
Thanks so much to everyone who contributed to this post. Is there anything we missed? If you can think of other ways to help you anxious friend, I’d love to hear them!
You’ve covered this so well! Anxiety isn’t just about having a bad day sometimes and there is so much that friends and family can do to be supportive! Showing up is one that’s forgotten about a lot I think. Sometimes you need space, but sometimes you just want your mates to turn up with your favourite snacks and a movie 🙂
I think it’s just really hard for people who haven’t experienced it to understand. There’s lot said about asking for help, but sometimes that feels impossible and what we need is for people to reach out to us x
Anxiety is so difficult to help with. But I think being understanding and patient and simply listening helps so much already. Also ‘Show up’!! that is such an important one!! Additionally, also coming on time. The number of times my friends cancelled last minute or showed up late so I was anxious for 10 minutes wondering if I’d gotten the date and the time wrong is ridiculous. And I know they don’t mean to do it on purpose, but for someone with anxiety, it’s horrible!
A lot of the time, if you haven’t experienced anxiety yourself it’s hard to understand but a lot of the time, people that don’t understand still like to help and are supportive in their own ways and if they read a post like this I think it can be really helpful 🙂
I really struggle with people being late, too. It really sets my anxiety off ? I hope people find this post useful!
Nicely written and definitely on point. Thanks so much for sharing this.
Thank you ? I’m glad you liked it!
This was so useful. Thank you so much!
You’re welcome! I’m glad you found it useful ?
Great info on anxiety. My husband has his ups & downs & everything you mentioned is spot-on! So important that we know how to help those we love. Thanks for the Post!
You’re welcome ? I’m glad you liked it!
Fantastic tips! Thanks Becca (and everyone who contributed)
You’re welcome! I’m glad you enjoyed it ? x
Wonderful post. Show Up is such a plus even if you wind up not talking at all
Tiana/ fablemoonsays.com
Thank you! That’s so true – sometimes we just need someone to be there x
Great post, and I love that all of your suggestions are so practical and realistic. Really, the best thing that you can do is BE THERE and your post nailed this! Thank you for sharing!
Britt | http://alternativelyspeaking.ca
You’re welcome ? I’m really glad you liked it x
Loved this post! I have anxiety too and I am highly considering passing this on to all of my friends.
Aw, thank you! I’m really glad you liked it 🙂
Some great advice. I particularly liked the bit about how to communicate more effectively with those who are suffering from anxiety 🙂
Thank you ? I’m glad you liked it ?
Most of all just letting them know that no matter what happens, and where life takes you, you are there for them
That’s so important ?