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About a year after seeing my GP, in April 2014 we found ourselves sat across from a Consultant in a Fertility Clinic, talking about Mr Becca’s sperm and whether we’d need standard IVF or ICSI (where they inject a single sperm directly into a single egg, rather than putting the egg in a dish with a sperm sample and letting fertilisation happen “naturally”). It’s amazing how many different ways there are for a sample to be awful. And even more amazing how all of those different ways to be awful managed to fit into Mr Becca’s sample.
I think Mr Becca found this part of the process really difficult and who could blame him? But he was brilliant through the whole thing. He was so supportive and managed to stay positive when I couldn’t. Looking back, I’m not sure I was as good to him as he was to me. I never once blamed him – it wasn’t his fault – but I was very focused on my own grief. I use that word, because that’s what it was – grief for the loss of the TTC journey that I thought we’d have.
On the bright side
Science has come a long way in the last few decades and our Consultant was reasonably positive about our chances. It was decided that we would have a few more blood tests and go straight to ICSI. IVF on it’s own would have had a really low chance of success for us, because of how low Mr Becca’s sperm count was. ICSI, however, would give us a much better chance, because it involves selecting the best sperm and individually injecting them into my eggs – basically meaning that the sperm wouldn’t have to do any of the work themselves!
I’m sure that, for some people, being told that ICSI was their only option (we were given a 1-2% chance of falling pregnant naturally) would be devastating. But, for us, we finally felt like we were on our way to having the family we’d been so desperate for. ICSI was our way of getting pregnant and having children and we couldn’t wait!!
I kept a journal from the start of our IVF journey until the birth of our babies. In the interests of starting this blog as I mean to go on and being completely open and honest with you all, I’ve decided to share those journal entries with you. You can find the first post here.