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Tuesday 20th October 2015
At 20w1d pregnant, I’m officially past the half way mark of my pregnancy! Although really, I passed halfway a week or so ago – with twins, I won’t make it to 40 weeks – at the very most, I’ll be 37 weeks when they either induce me or book a c-section. And that’s assuming the babies don’t arrive earlier than that – lots of twins do! I’m just hoping we make it to February. I worry a lot that my babies will come very early and won’t be strong enough. I just want them to be safe and the safest place for them is inside me for as long as we can keep them there!
My 22w scan is exactly 2 weeks away! I can’t wait to see our babies again – see how much they’ve grown and get another confirmation that we’re having one of each! Mr Becca thinks I’m silly to worry about it, but I’ve got attached to the idea that I’m growing a boy and a girl in there. I refer to them by name and talk to them all the time – even though I don’t think they can actually hear me for another few weeks yet. I will love these babies more than anything in the world, regardless of what gender we end up with. But it will be hard to accept if the scans have been wrong, because I already think of them as my son and daughter. Two of either would be lovely, but it would feel like I was losing something if it turned out to be wrong now. Still… Three sonographers have told us that we’ve got one of each in there and it seems unlikely that all three could be wrong. I’m still looking forward to a fourth confirmation though!
After that, I’m seeing my consultant on 6th November, the mental health midwife on the 19th and my regular midwife on the 24th! Lots of appointments coming up! My sister is also arranging a baby shower for me and that’s booked for the 22nd of November! I’ll be a day short of 25 weeks, so it’s earlier than most people would have a baby shower. But we discussed it and I wanted to have it while I can still enjoy it. If we leave it until December, it gets too close to Christmas and if we wait until January, we risk the babies turning up before the shower! I have a huge bump already and I’m finishing work on Christmas Eve, so 25 weeks doesn’t feel too early, really.
I’m off work this week. It’s the first week’s holiday I’ve been able to take that wasn’t spent on treatment! I hardly have any plans – today, I’m just sitting around being lazy! I’m going to a baby show in London on Friday with my best friend and I’m seeing two other friends on Thursday for lunch, but other than that, it’s just a lazy week, and I’m loving it!
I think I felt our daughter move for the first time last night! I’ve been waiting for it to happen and I’ve felt a few flutters over the last few weeks that I thought might be the babies… But nothing convincing. Our little boy’s placenta is anterior, so it covers the front wall of my uterus, and it muffles any kicks that he makes. Our little girl’s placenta is posterior, which means it’s at the back and doesn’t get in the way as much. But I haven’t been convinced that anything I felt was definitely the babies and I desperately want to feel them, to reassure myself that they’re OK. Everyone else seems to feel movements much earlier and it’s frustrating for me, because I have two babies in there and haven’t felt anything!
But I think I felt her last night! I’m having trouble sleeping, because I can’t get comfortable regardless of what position I put myself in. So my nights are mostly spent tossing and turning and feeling sorry for myself. But last night… I was laying in bed and I felt what I’m sure was a kick on the left side of my tummy! That’s the side our daughter is on, so I’m almost certain it was her! It was a wonderful feeling and I felt it a couple more times before I managed to fall asleep (for about an hour, before waking up again!). I hope I start feeling her more often and that our little boy gets strong enough for me to feel him soon too!
I also found a hypnobirthing CD specifically for twins! It’s a program by Maggie Howell and I’ve been listening to the “relaxation in pregnancy” CD, but there are CDs to cover vaginal birth and c-section – all specifically for twins! Much easier for my anxious brain to relax to!