Independent Living
Your child will get on a lot better at University if they are already used to looking after themselves. Even accommodation with great facilities, like Fortis student accommodation, your child will have to get used to doing their own cooking, cleaning and laundry.
Start by giving them one night a week where they’re in charge of dinner for the family, during their last summer at home. Encourage them to learn some simple, cheap recipes that can be made with minimal pans and not much counter space.
Give them other responsibilities too. Make sure they know how to use a washing machine, and put them in charge of their own laundry for a while. Give them jobs like doing the grocery shop for the family sometimes. Try to stop organising their life for them; stop getting them out of bed in the morning or reminding them to do things. They’ll need to handle their own lives when they’re off at University and needing to get to lectures alone.
Money
University life is getting more and more expensive, with ever increasing fees. Learning to budget and make their student loan last is a steep learning curve. You can help your child to get the hang of budgeting for themselves and living on not a lot of money. If they’re starting to cook for the family occasionally, you can start them on the track of budgeting, but giving them a set amount to spend for these meals.
Have a frank discussion with them about money. It’s important that they don’t keep it from you if they are having money problems. Don’t make them feel they will need to keep secrets about money, but equally don’t make them feel that they can keep coming to you for spare money for nights out. Teach them some financial responsibility.
Friendships
A lot of new students will feel lonely and homesick in their first few weeks at University. They may be missing their old friends and feeling nervous about meeting new people. In the first few weeks, they may be tempted to come home a lot to see you and their old friends. Try to discourage them from doing so. Those first weeks are important for making new friends and settling in to University life. They’ll miss out on a lot if they’re coming home every weekend.
The first weeks can be hard on you too, as a parent, especially if they’re asking to come home. Try to stay strong and don’t run to rescue them. Encourage them to stick it out for at least the first few weeks. Help them to find other ways to stay in touch with home, whether it’s a regular phone call, emails, or a family Whatsapp group to share small moments from their day with you. As soon as they start making friends, they’ll feel much better.
Studies
The switch from college to university is a big jump and a lot of students may find the workload a bit of a shock at first. If you’ve always helped them to study, try to step back a bit before they go, as they’ll need to manage without you at University.
You can help them find a revision method that works well for them, but then step back and trust the University will be geared up to prepare them to work. Encourage them to ask for help from their tutors when they need it, and be a listening ear when they’re struggling. You can offer advice, but try to avoid bailing them out. They’re an adult now and need to manage without you.
Safety
Safety is an important topic to talk over before you send them off. It’s likely some of the discussions you have will cover ground you’ve talked about before, but it’s helpful to go over it again. Be prepared for some awkward discussions.
Have a conversation about safe sex. Make sure they know how to protect themselves and where to get condoms and other birth control. Most Universities will have somewhere to get condoms for free, so encourage them to find this out.
Remind them of some basic safety, like not getting in a car driven with anyone who has been drinking. Perhaps you could make a deal about financial help for taxis, or set up an Uber account for them that you pay for, so you know they’re never tempted to risk driving home after a night out. Talk to them about how to spot a properly licensed taxi too.
Talk to them about safety on nights out, such as not letting anyone go off alone and about not leaving their drinks unattended. Teach them how to spot the signs of someone who has had their drink spiked and what they should do about it. Both boys and girls should learn about this.
Have a chat about their mental health too.University can be stressful and they’ll need to know how to cope if things are overwhelming. Let them know that they can always talk to you, and encourage them to use University services if they are finding University life or the workload overwhelming.
Although it can be an overwhelming time, University is a life-changing and usually positive experience. Once they’ve settled in, you’ll probably find that your child loves University and all your worries were for nothing. If you’ve given them the tools to properly care for themselves, university is an opportunity for them to grow into intelligent, responsible adults. They’ll have to learn to be in charge of their own life and learning to fend for themselves within the safety net of campus will give them the knowledge to flourish when they graduate.
This is a collaborative post.
