When you become a parent for the first time, your children become your entire life. When you have friends that don’t have children, part of what you do is to bombard them with pictures of your children, or completely avoid the subject entirely, there’s no middle ground But when you have a friend that doesn’t have children, what can you do to ensure that your friendship is maintained but also you are not that parent?
Don’t Ever Ask Them “The Question”
When are you going to have children? is not a question that yields a good answer. The fact of the matter is, if you’ve got a friend that doesn’t have a child, it’s for a very good reason. Either they don’t want children at all, or they are having significant difficulties. And while there are modern ways around this, from embryo adoption to IVF, there is no point in being insensitive, especially if they’ve never spoken to you about it. Don’t be that parent!
Do What You Can To Maintain The Friendship
It may seem obvious, but when you’ve got friends who don’t have children, getting in touch with them can fall by the wayside. After all, there are so many things that need doing, that gradually, they fall down the priority order. Maintaining the friendship can be difficult, and it’s up to them to understand that when you meet up for a coffee, you may very well have a child dangling off you. But if it’s possible, try to meet up without the child, as time away is good for you too. And also, this doesn’t stop you from speaking to them on the phone! It seems that not many people talk to each other anymore. Instead, they’re all about messaging each other, which, from the perspective of any mother it takes a lot longer to send a message and also communicates to the child that you are busy on your phone. Instead, if you want to say something to someone, speak to them!
Stop Mentioning Your Child Every 2 Seconds
It’s so easy for you to get wrapped up in your child’s life, after all, they are the center of the universe. When you are hanging out with your friends, they don’t want to see millions of pictures of you and your child, or a video of your baby saying something incomprehensible. It’s so easy for us to talk about how amazing our children are, but the fact of the matter is, our friend may not agree! And it’s so easy for us to talk about our children as if we were the first person to ever have a child; they know what a child looks like, and there are millions of them walking the planet!
When you have a childless friend, while they have to understand that you have a major responsibility, sometimes it’s not something that they want to discuss in great depth. It’s a tough balance to tread, but after a while, you will learn how to deal with these situations.
This is a collaborative post.
