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Today, I want to talk about my relationship with food. I have been on one diet or another since I was 18. That’s 16 years. Almost half of my life has been spent dieting and I’m still overweight. In fact, I’m more overweight than I was when I started. Granted, I’ve had two babies since then, but my “babies” are 2.5 years old now, so I don’t think I can’t use them as an excuse anymore.
Me vs Food
Over the years, food has become my best friend and my greatest enemy. I eat when I’m happy, or to congratulate/reward myself when something good has happened. I eat when I’m sad, or to make myself feel better when something bad has happened.
When I try to make healthy choices, it feels like a tug of war – me vs all the yummy food I actually want to eat. Except, I don’t really want to win, so I don’t put up too much of a fight.
My relationship with food
I’m aware that I have a really terrible relationship with food. I read something once about how you should eat to live, not live to eat. Personally, I think a healthy relationship with food is somewhere in the middle, but I definitely fall in the “live to eat” camp.
I plan my day based around what meals I’m going to eat. I start thinking about food early in the day and and it features pretty heavily from then on.
The problem, of course, is that having food on my mind all the time makes it really hard to diet. I start off with the best of intentions, but then it starts to feel a break up… and you remember what I said about eating when I’m sad.
I have tried every diet you could think of…
Slimming World, Weight Watchers, Cambridge, Exante, low carb, low calorie, low fat, high fat, high protein, a handful of terrible fad diets… They all work. I just don’t stick to them for long enough to prove it.
At the beginning of this year, I promised myself that this would be the year that I lost weight and kept it off. But it’s nearly October and neither of those things have happened. I even thought that blogging about my weight loss would force me to stick to it… and you all know how that went!
Food and mental health
After a fairly healthy 2017, I’ve struggled with my mental health this year. And I’ve turned to food to fix it, even though I know it doesn’t help long term. It’s not like chocolate is laced with antidressants or anxiety meds. But you would think it was, the way I’ve been self-medicating with it.
Food is definitely a comfort to me when I’m feeling low. And it’s a distraction when I’m feeling anxious. But I know it doesn’t help long term, because I just start feeling down about my weight and the whole cycle starts again.
So I need to decide what I’m going to do to fix this awful relationship with food. I don’t know what that’s going to be yet. When you’ve tried every diet going and failed at all of them…. what’s next?